What is it about surrendering that scares the bejesus out of us? For anyone who believes in a Higher Power, we know that sometimes
our self…our low ego…does NOT know what’s best for us and our growth. Did I say sometimes? I would bet MOST of the time is a better description. For clarification, let me explain that I see ego as the high ego and the low ego. The high ego is where we work from when we need to use our intelligence or logic for practical things like balancing our checkbook. The lower ego is a big ol’ bully. It thumbs it’s nose out us, tells us we are not good enough, that we can’t do this or that, projects it’s fears on us…get the picture? Okay, so that’s the part of our brain that holds us back when it’s time to surrender.
By now, many of us already know that God (insert Universe/Source/Your Divinity here) has a plan for us and when we surrender to him/her/it/ them it allows us to become more in alighnment with it. My personal belief is that God is a direct reflection of my soul….he’s one of the voices of my soul. So when I say God has a plan, I don’t believe that it is some separate being who hangs out in the clouds with a book in his hand. I don’t see him pointing down at earth and saying “Robin, working in the insurance industry is NOT what you came here to do.” Instead, I experience events that cause me to leave the business….kicking and screaming the whole time. It would have been a heck of a lot easier if I had just let go. If I paid attention to the signs and gently exited…surrendered. Instead, I was doing what I was “supposed” to do…I was married, had kids, and brought home a decent paycheck. I knew of no other way.
Nowadays, I live a completely different life and insurance is a not so fond memory. I didn’t even know I wasn’t happy in my old life. I thought I was. I had a good husband, two kids, dogs, cats, fish, birds, nice house and nice cars….dinners out, vacations…you get the picture. It was the good life, not. Today, I’m happy…fully and completely. I’m not always satisfied…I’d like to be more financially stable, but I did choose this road and with reason. If I had never experienced a life “without”, I never would have truly appreciated what I had/have. That may not be everyone’s Truth…for me it was part of my lesson.
So given the life changes I made, you would think that surrendering and listening to the angels would be a piece of cake, right? Oh nooooo, I’ve been fighting them for weeks. It got to the point where I simply got sick…really sick…to the point where I was too tired to fight. Last night, I waved the white flag and surrendered. I’m an Angelic IET practitioner/teacher. IET is a healing modality that uses angelic healing energy to “get the issues out of your tissues.” It’s my energy work of choice when I or a client has particularly stubborn energetic blocks. When you’re on the table receiving the healing it sometimes feels like nothing is going on. At other times it feels like someone is bulldozing your insides and clearing you out. In either case, you get what you need and the results show up quickly.
Cut back to my being sick…I was arguing with the angels last night when I told them I was done with the sick stuff and the emotional triggers that were coming up. They took that as a green light that I was ready for a session. Again I argued with them…reminding them that it was late and I couldn’t call my healer and ask for a session right then and there. They sort of laughed at that. Then I told them I was just too darn tired to work on myself. That’s when they jumped in and reminded me that they had me attune and teach my partner, David, how to do this kind of healing. Hmmm, no more excuses…the minute I asked David to work on me, he began prepping.
Back to the stupidity of not surrendering…After days of feeling like elephant poop, I woke up feeling lighter and more focused. The feeling of hopelessness that often comes with being under the weather is gone. I actually slept thru the night and the sleep was restful…did I mention I had been having nightmares lately? I’m not perfect, mind you…but I have clients today and am definitely in a space where I can work on them effectively. Yesterday? I wasn’t so sure.
So why didn’t I surrender earlier? Good question. It was all low ego thinking. I didn’t even bother to take the time to ask the angels what they had in mind. I just stopped listening. In one sense, I am glad that I waited since it showed me exactly what emotional gunk I was still fighting. It showed me anger and resentment about a specific situation that I had no idea was still there. Then again, did I need to know exactly what the anger was about? Maybe, maybe not.
The bottom line is that once I gave in, things were not as bad as I expected. When I left my old life for my new life, it was tough. I went thru some really hard times…but the fact of the matter is, they didn’t last long. I still hit bumps here and there, but for the most part, living that life was more difficult than making the transition and getting used to a whole new world.
We can be so afraid of the unknown. Rather than looking at the changes as adventures, we worry about all the what ifs. It truly has been my experience that the “what ifs” my low ego comes up are way worse than physical reality. Surrendering, giving in to the Divinity within (and without) is nothing more than detaching from the outcome. It’s trusting that all is well no matter what….it’s taking the low ego’s wants, needs, and desires out of the picture. It’s taking all that no longer serves us out of the equation. Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Funny how knowing that, we still fear it.
It takes practice, people. Lots of practice. I’m not beating myself up over my latest antics. I’m laughing at the whole darn thing. I’m also grateful that I was shown two important aspects of myself that were/are still in need of healing. The anger/resentment thing may or may not be fully gone, but it’s gone enough that I feel good. The deal where I still argue with the angels and create situations for myself where I need to be cracked over the head with a Spiritual 2×4 does happen less often, but as I was shown, it does still happen. That’s okay too. It keeps me humble…and it reminds me of the real Truth, not my low ego’s truth.
May you experience ease and peace throughout your days…and watch out for those 2×4’s! They can be a humdinger!
