Next Steps

This was a very interesting week for me.  Both of my kids graduated within days of each other.  While this in and of itself is a big deal…the fact of the matter is…for most moms it’s not THAT big a deal.  That is unless one of the graduates has autism.  Now, I don’t want to sound like like I’m discounting my younger son’s accomplishment.  He’s talented, friendly, highly intelligent, and highly un-inspired.  He was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago and chose not to take meds.  He tried them for awhile, and hated the way they made him feel.  So, getting thru middle school was a huge challenge for him and truth-be-told…I wondered if he’d even make it.  His dad and I rewarded, punished, cajoled, begged, reasoned and finally settled on reminding my son that this is his life.  The state requires him to go to school until a certain age and he can  fight all he wants…eventually, he’ll have to do the work.  In the end, he did the minimal amount of work required to pass…and while he and I watched so many of friends make honor roll and get accepted to specialized high schools or programs…my son and I learned to accept that he is who is….I’m really happy about that.

In the middle of  this, my oldest was navigating high school.  Not an easy feat for most teenagers, extremely difficult for one who has autism.  Let me tell you, high school, puberty, and autism combined is hard.  Really hard…for the child, the parents, and the siblings.  We were lucky tho.  My son was in a special program for kids on the spectrum and it helped him a lot.  New Jersey…specifically the school system we’ve been in has some wonderful programs for kids on the spectrum.  The problem is what happens when school is over?  He’s not low functioning enough for a group home, yet not high enough functioning to go to college and get a typical job.  He’s got issues with hygiene, he angers easily,  he has social issues, he doesn’t read or write very well…he’s sort of stuck in a special needs no-mans land.  I have to admit, I’m worried about his future.  It’s very uncertain…and the thought that my youngest son may have to take over when their dad and I are gone upsets me greatly.  I don’t want him to have that burden….and even tho I love my son deeply, taking care of him can feel like a burden at times.

So we’re about to take the next steps and embark on a new adventure.  It’s time to learn how to navigate a new land.  Like I said, I’m scared and worried… things won’t always be simple and but with a lot of patience and love, I know that somehow it will be okay….for the boys and for me.