Most daughters just want their mothers to be happy and they’ll go to great lengths to make that happen. I remember doing that when my mother was alive and I continued for a few years after she died. I bet you did something like that too. You might even still be doing it to some extent.
Here’s just a little of what’s wrong with that:
- It’s not your job to make your mother happy.
- A daughter believes that if she can make her mother happy, her mother will treat her better a/k/a approve of her a/k/a love her more.
- The daughter believes that if she makes herself better and fits into the mother’s impossible mold, that will make the mother happy…or she recognizes that her mother’s mold is impossible and she rebels to the point where she messes up her own life
- If the mother is unhappy or judgmental, then the daughter decides that it’s because there is something inherently wrong with her and never consider that there are things that happened which made your mother your mother before you were born. And it’s those factors that contribute to how loving she is able to be.
Daughters start making these decisions at a really young age. A daughter learns how to respond to her mother by watching her mother’s face and making eye contact. If that doesn’t happen, the baby can either shut down or act up. Either way, this is the foundation for her as she becomes a woman.
And the really sad part is that the core of the mom’s unhappiness never has anything to do with the baby.
When you are older you can do things that give your mother headaches. You can stay out all night without telling her, get into drugs, fail at school. But this is only one time of your life and there’s a difference between a teenager finding her way and a teenager who is acting out in order to get her mother’s attention.
But here’s the deal, if you’re a mom, or an aunt, or pet owner you can relate to what I’m going to ask you. If your kid, niece/nephew, or pet acts out and misbehaves, do you stop loving them? Or do you just get frustrated? I’m not saying you might never hit the point to where you don’t like them anymore, but chances are you will continue to love them.
I don’t know where it’s been written that all mothers are healthy and well-balanced. They’re not. And not all mothers have the capacity and the ability to love you in a way that makes you feel safe and loved.
And that doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you.
Much love and abundant blessings,
