Once upon a time, I was very much a type “A” personality. I was extremely controlling and quick to anger. There was no room in my life for patience, everything was now, now, now…and there was never enough, so I also had the more, more, more mentality. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the concept of the Universe speaking to me. I mean really, why would it want to?
One day, or maybe it was many days, I made the choice to try out a new road. One that promised grace, love and joy, though I didn’t really believe it was possible. Nowadays, I’m less controlling, yet I still have issues with Surrendering and Letting Go. My actual process of doing so is a source of great amusement to those who know me well, and that is a story for another day. I’m no longer a type “A”, but I am still learning my way, just as everyone else. Oh, and the Universe? Well, it chatters to me constantly. The one thing I’m particularly proud of is that I am NOT quick to anger anymore, and when I do anger, it’s generally not as extreme or long lasting. However, there are most definitely issues that make my blood boil.
My oldest son is 18 and on the autistic spectrum. Although he’s high functioning, what society deems as normal daily interaction with others simply makes no sense to him. He’s learning what’s termed as “proper” behavior, but doesn’t understand or care why it’s necessary. His views on life are simplistic, and usually not typical. With that said, the kid still has feelings.
When he was younger, there was an incident at camp (one for typical children) where he was being bullied and was emotionally pushed over the edge. After the incident, he was asked not to return. On the one hand, I understood the camp’s decision, but on the other, I couldn’t understand why the bullies weren’t asked to leave too. I couldn’t understand why retaliation received punishment, but the original act, which was at least as improper wasn’t.
Today, there are supposed to be policies in place that protect children from being bullied, yet in October 2009 an autistic teen was pushed to the point of suicide as a result of constant bullying. That’s the very short version, if you’d like to read the latest article about it, click here:
I was so angry and upset after reading this. There is absolutely no valid reason for it to happen. My initial response was again, were the bullies ever punished? Why was the constant bullying allowed to happen? On and on I went….and fell back into my Type “A” anger response. I don’t recall what finally stopped my initial response, but something clicked.
The kids who bully need help too. There is something in their lives or psyche that tells them it’s okay to act the way they do. Just as my autistic son needs love and guidance to bring him to a space where he can properly interact with others, so do the bullies. How many of these kids come from abusive households, or homes where they are completely ignored? How many of these kids come from an environment where they are taught only the strong survive or that those who are considered weak deserve to be treated poorly?
Bullying doesn’t only affect the autistic or special needs population. It doesn’t only affect children. How many adults get bullied into doing things by those who perceive themselves as stronger, better, entitled?
My point about bullying is that the issue needs to be treated as a whole. It’s not only about punishing the bully, or giving the “weaker” person tools to defend him/herself. It’s about teaching our children (and adults) that we are equal. It goes back to the analogy I made in my blog about being caged in. The energy that made The Dali Lama and Mother Teresa is the same energy that made each and every one of us. Since it’s the same energy, we are interconnected. By hurting someone else, or treating them as “less than”, we are hurting ourselves. This is what we need to teach our children. This is what I have learned….and now I can say, this is why I can have as much compassion for the bully as I do the victim….even if the victim happens to be one of my own children. However, there is a huge difference between condoning a behavior (which I don’t) and having compassion for an individual (which I do).
If I never chose to try a different road, I would have most likely been stuck in Type “A” mode for the rest of my life….and I wouldn’t have learned my true capacity for compassion. Is it time for you to explore a different avenue? You never know what gifts you may find. I sure didn’t.
